Alex: Shaking off leeches

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I needed him to delay her a bit.

He was the sharp guy here, not that I don’t count myself as one, but I needed him to buy me 2 hours from the time  he picked her up at the airport, till they got to my apartment in Maitama.

My Girlfriend was coming into town and the only reason I needed to delay her a bit was because I had a leech I had been trying to shake off all week. I am a sucker for fine sexy girls; I know you’re thinking ‘who isn’t’?, but there are folks like my friend Jimmy, who likes them thick…and I mean really BIG. Anyways, what was meant to be a booty call turned into something else and I no longer had to call for it cos it was always there; no leave, no surrender.

It all started from harmless flirting on Insta Msg, till we finally hooked up last Friday after having chatted for over a week; it was a nice experience meeting and conversing with a lady who had an opinion on things that mattered to me, and thus the fluidity of our conversations was epic. Before I knew what was happening, we mutually agreed to continue the seemingly interesting conversation with drinks over at my place as we were trying to get away from all the smoke folks were puffing at the lounge we were at.

If you ask me, I’d say the reason she feels so comfortable and at home with me is because of the fact that I didn’t touch her that night even as she lay slightly inebriated in my bed; the real action started in the morning at about 4 AM. I woke up to someone nibbling softly at my ears and kissing my neck. It was like she didn’t want to wake me up but at the same time wouldn’t mind if she did. I think the right move would be to cut the long story short, cos it was such a wonderful experience and writing about it in details wouldn’t even do it justice.

We spent the whole of Saturday sprawled in bed, watching movies and having intercourse in between; I made us an early dinner, because my signature indomie noodles earlier didn’t quite cut it and before we knew it the whole day was gone. She then insisted on going home to get a change of clothes so we could do church together; not knowing exactly how to respond to that, I obliged her and that’s how her first overnight bag was packed with more than a day’s worth of clothes in it.

I was able to lose her on Tuesday. I told her I was going on an official trip to Eko¹ and wouldn’t be back until Sunday. It’s not like I didn’t like her company or anything, just that I was already missing my space and growing a conscience while at it but Konji² rose its ugly head sometime around Thursday. I made that booty call when I got home from work around 6 PM and in under 2 hours, she arrived with an even bigger overnight bag; I’m sure in the premise that we would spend the weekend together like we did the last time. Only this time, things were different; my girlfriend was coming to town this weekend.

I had known about my baby’s visit to Abuja for about a week now, cos I was in the know she was taking a week off her annual leave to spend some time with me; one would expect that I would have handled my shit prior to her arrival, but Remi was proving stubborn, she didn’t want to be blown off easily. Ada had landed at the Nnamdi Azikiwe International Airport and still, Remi was refusing to buy any of my half-baked excuses; I hadn’t even started cleaning up after her, making sure no stray panties or make-up were lying about.

I hate to term it as the norm for guys in long distant relationships to fool around, but that was fast becoming the trend; I love my Gf no doubt, but sometimes I feel the need to be sexually adventurous.

Now.

I needed him to delay her a bit, lest shit hit the roof.

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Footnotes:

Eko¹: A slang for Lagos State, in Nigeria.

Konji²: Usually used by people of Nigerian descent to describe a state of extreme horniness. Usually only applies to people who have tasted the forbidden fruit before (Source: http://www.urbandictionary.com/) 

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Assuaging the nagging pangs of hunger

Photo Credit: Google.com

Photo Credit: Google.com

I had tried working on an Ad campaign I was preparing for the company, but I had this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that’s called hunger; I had tried ignoring it when it first raised its ugly head around 10am simply because I couldn’t do anything about it at the time cos official lunch period wasn’t until 2 hours.

Anyways, now it is 12:05pm and I am not having any more of it. I grab my jacket off the back of my chair and head out, didn’t care enough to tell my colleagues in the same department with me that I was stepping out;  if they need me, they would call and I wouldn’t hesitate to tell them I went to take care of the stomach division.

Normally when I’m not shopping for anything heavy, I have lunch at Southern Fried Chicken (SFC); their chicken and chips, coupled with a milkshake always did the trick, but today, I needed some pounded yam and any soup that caught my fancy by the time I get to Jevinik Restaurant off Adetokunbo Ademola Crescent in Wuse 2.

I’m going to skip all the nitty gritty & get right down to action, sparing you all the annoying details of trying to park my car in a busy lot whilst hunger beckons. I had just rolled up my sleeves, and I hadn’t even taken more than two relatively big balls of my pounded yam, dipped in the healthy vegetable soup laden with many pieces of meat, when I heard a female voice asking if she could share my table with me. I won’t even lie to you, I would have been taken aback if I wasn’t so hungry and hadn’t gone far enough in assuaging the nagging pangs of hunger in my belly, so I just muttered that it was fine by me.

This is usually a guy’s move where we try to start up a conversation with a pretty lady who catches our fancy by any means possible, so you can imagine how clueless I must have been when I eventually looked up from the meal that had my rapt attention to find out that I had the most stunning lady I had seen all week seating next to me. Her smile was disarming and my usually outspoken/daring self couldn’t hold her gaze; she broke the awkward silence by initiating a fist bump (chop knuckle) with me as she introduced herself as Kate.

Once we got talking, it didn’t take long before my attention got shifted from the food to her completely; you know when you’re conversing with an interesting person and it seems she gives life to topics that normally wouldn’t interest you.  Hearing her talk about Gen. Buhari and how easy it is for Nigerians to forget all the atrocities and inadequacy of his government, helped shed some light and remove some scales that had almost obscured my vision from the light that Pres. Goodluck is to Nigeria. She said she wasn’t moved by the illusions of 21st century campaign strategies and preferred the devil that we all already knew: I couldn’t agree more.

I knew from that moment that I would like us to be very close friends or at least something way more than that; it is hard to find a lady these day with such a rare mixture of beauty and brains like Kate had, in fact making her acquaintance felt like fate but then again, this reality found me munching, I didn’t even have to make the first move.

Cheers

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Is it just me, or does it feel like there should be a sequel to this? If I can get 5 comments asking for more, I’d oblige else….

Being Morally Upright: a herculean task or not?

Sitting in my living room, eating and relishing this delectable plate of ogbono soup made by yours truly, I couldn’t help but entertain the usual thought that often occupies my mind: what business do I have with an exclusive relationship yet alone marriage, if I can cater to most of my needs?

Of course there are needs I can’t fulfil, like sexual satisfaction but that’s the beauty of not being in a relationship cos this way, you have a wide array of options to choose from. Or so it seems.

If you’re TDH like myself, getting the girls should come easily to you though with more sophisticated ladies, you need more than just good looks; again good for me, as I’ve got more to my persona than just my looks so you’re pretty much on your own if you lack substance and finesse.

Again more times than not, my culinary skills has been an added advantage. Most ladies coo at the fact that I can cook myself an array of decent meals and just get drawn to the mere prospects of having me cook for them. The less daring ones who are subtle in their flirting would ask when I would get around to cooking for them at my place, while others would think up ways to lure me their way where they obviously have home ground advantage.

Last week I was at Nkem’s place to visit and make do on my promise of cooking her a nice pot of my signature Egusi soup; as earlier agreed, she had already bought all the ingredients, chopped the veggies and steamed the meat but I never got around to doing that. Y? I met her in quite a chirpy mood and she insisted we cracked open a bottle of red wine she had gotten to accompany the food while we gisted. One thing led to another and though I’m sure I was fine as 12.5% couldn’t do much to me, I guess she just needed an excuse to loosen up; we were kissing, and in no time I was suckling one breast and kneading the other.

Good thing from experience, I already expected this so I had a condom in my wallet; no way was I going to be caught unawares, as literally aids no Dey show for face. After about two rounds of sex we were both spent and food was the last thing on either of our minds. Yh you heard right, I said two rounds! I can fit two condoms in there, that’s why my wallet is always so bulky; it’s not like I got all the money in the world in there.

There are times when you crave attention from that special one and all these pretty ladies calling doesn’t quite cut it, but is that a valid reason to want to get into an exclusive relationship with someone? I don’t know much about this, but I frankly think it’d be wrong to date someone for selfish reasons. I was gonna ask Rukky out cos I felt she was interesting and fun to be with, not forgetting to mention the part that she seemed to genuinely like/want me all to herself. This was me being selfish again, I hadn’t stopped to think if I was the right guy for her or if I’d Atleast try to be, I was just busy thinking about me and all I’d benefit from the relationship.

So instead of being penned the bad guy a few weeks down the line from asking her out, I decided to feign ignorance of the subtle hints she was dropping and continue in the friends-with-benefits zone. It’s a hard knock life most times for the ladies out there cos what could possibly compel a guy to buy it, if he is already getting it for free? And if you hold back for too long, he gets tired of chasing and moves on.

It’s best to be of good morals and try to do things the Godly way. Don’t indulge in sex out of wedlock, though I know it’s harder once you’ve tasted what’s in the honey pot but remember that having one two many sexual partners would further compound your problems; asides from the body count which seems to matter more with ladies, there’s the issue of sexual transmitted diseases and missing periods. Plus sex is a comingling of spirits as it is of bodies. You could pick up traits or bad luck from someone without even knowing it.

I know what you’re thinking. I should stop preaching to the choir and remove the log in my own eyes? Yh, I have an active conscience so I think about these things too and even though I like to go through pictures on girls phones to make sure they ain’t marine spirits and the likes of it, you can never be too sure. I know it aint easily being morally upright but it also isn’t a herculean task either.

Cheers.