Uber Chronicles: Mth2Wk2


I love the nightlife more these days.

I’m endeared to the dark starry skies a lot more than I ever envisaged prior. With me, taking in the scenery and appreciating nature in all its splendor happens by default, and if it were just the vast lands of uniform green areas, or the beautiful flowers adorning some sidewalks in the Federal Capital, it’d be easier to understand. Instead, I find even the littlest of details appealing.

The streetlights along the Nnamdi Azikiwe International Airport Road, Abuja have even brought their quota to the mix.

You know what they say about intelligent minds and finding it hard falling asleep? Yh, that’s usually my story, though, this is one plague I would never pray to rid myself off especially with how much more King Solomon got by just asking for wisdom.

So to kill two birds with one stone, I take my mind and all that’s on it for a long ass drive while I get paid in the process, all thanks to Uber while at it.

We are encouraged to interact with our riders and hold the conversations however politely, for the duration of the ride. The prerogative, however, falls on me to determine the pace of said conversation; if I am not interested, I will leave you with the impression that I am a tad boring, yet competent Uber driver with whom you were fortunate or unfortunate to be paired.

Yh it could go both ways!
Some people hate it when you’re chatty, and others loathe you when you are not.

What interests me?
Matter-of-factly, I have always been a sucker for a beautiful face. I’m not drawn to a lady who feels entitled cos of her beauty, but rather, one that comes across as smart and opinionated in an instant; they can hold meaningful conversations and continually pique my interest for the duration of the trip.

I’m homophobic, but yea, smart looking guys probably living the life I’d love to own. They most likely left their sleek cars at home for some reasons, like shaking off a stalker, evading unnecessary attention or just for want of being chauffeur-driven for a change.

I also get to put my retentive memory to good use.
Considering these accounts are weekly, just like our pay slips, I look forward to recounting juicy details that might creep up somewhere within my week of pickups and countless networking possibilities.

The Chronicles of a Traveling Publicist; Ghana


Considering the proximity to Ghana from Nigeria, I’m sure it’d be understandable if this particular account is just a little over three paragraphs long.

The flight time from the Nnamdi Azikiwe International Airport, Abuja to the Kotoka International Airport in Accra, Ghana took only an hour forty five minutes (1hr 45mins); we had barely finished having brunch, a rather tasty meal of Jollof Rice and well marinated chicken, just as we started descending. The time wasted at the VVIP Section of the airport was the longest ever we had to wait in any country we had been to, I’d like to chuck it up to the inherent beef I hear Ghanaian people have for Nigerians; It is easy to believe we are pompous, constantly thinking we are better than they are.

Accra_xxxxxxxxx_i111599_05They offered no assistance in providing a phone number for the biggest and best hotel in Accra, so instead, we had to roam our phone lines and surfed the internet at an exorbitant rate to get that information. 15 minutes after that phone call, there was a Mercedes Benz Luxury Van bearing the ‘Movenpick Ambassador Hotel Accra’ brand, with a cart attached to it for our luggage.


Accra_xxxxxxxxx_i111608_07Check-in was smooth and the rooms quite impressive. I was particularly intrigued by the pillows, they had a way of sending me off to dream land in record time. A lot of thought obviously went into planning the layout of the rooms; there was a DVD player attached to the 40″ Samsung TV, a star shaped mirror hanging on the wall close the reading table and the beautiful abstract painting just above your headboard.

Accra_xxxxxxxxx_i116505_1700X490The scenery of the Poolside and Outdoor Bar & Restaurant let off this serenity that left you completely unruffled; I’m guessing it is very ideal for those vacationing. The waiters moved around in roller skates, taking orders and serving guests and with the ease at which they moved  up and about, I was forced to ask one of them when last he or any of his colleagues fell. This was a conversation I sparked up while he served me my grilled chicken and chips, with coleslaw on the side and a bottle of their Club Premium Lager, the signature beer for them in Ghana. I and my colleague chatted for what seemed like a bit, because the hours rolled by with ease. Accra_xxxxxxxxx_i113209_05

Once my head hit the pillow, I was off; fast-forward eight hours, we were already checking out and before long we had boarded the already steaming plane after, the short stint at immigration. Ghana was fun even though I didn’t quite leave the hotel, but they still owe me one hour due to time difference. I haven’t been able to account for that till now.

Photo Credit: http://www.moevenpick-hotels.com/en/africa/ghana/accra/hotel-accra/overview/

The Chronicles of a Traveling Publicist; Tanzania


Visiting Dar es Salaam, the capital of Tanzania was one of the highlights of March 2015 for me. It wasn’t expected, as is every great thing; I wasn’t part of the team initially meant to embark on that trip but as fate would have it, I was a last minute addition and I’m grateful to have had the opportunity.

20150312_14584920150312_110217Prior to this moment, I had been thinking and planning for so long to spend two weeks of my leave in Zanzibar and suddenly I had been afforded the opportunity by a mere streak of luck. I worked assiduously two day before the intended date to get my visa; I spent a couple of hours at the Tanzanian High Commission and an almost equal amount of time at the UBA Bank where I went to pay the ‘Express Visa Fees’. It was a few thousands of Naira above the usual price but I didn’t mind for a bit, especially as I would be refunded by the company.

Going through immigrations at the ‘International Departure Lounge’ in the Nnamdi Azikiwe Intl Airport Abuja didn’t do much to deter me in any way; I was still excited, regardless of the fact that I was made to go through the scanning machine twice for having forgotten my belt on and secondly, for still wearing my silver Seiko wristwatch. (I’ve never really understood why I have to take of my shoes at our airport here; couldn’t they just scan that on me too like in the US?)

It was a five hour trip that didn’t quite feel that long. Maybe it can be attributed to the comfort the private jet afforded me; the flight attendants were absolutely pleasant too, and almost nice to a fault.

On landing, we were ushered to the VIP section of the Julius Nyerere International Airport so I didn’t quite get the chance to compare the whole airport with its counterpart in Abuja. The airport staff were quite friendly and their immigration officials meticulous; once we were done with the needful, we were ushered to the already waiting vehicles, but not before the stint with pressmen from two local Tanzanian TV stations.

20150312_171342We already had reservations at the Hyatt Regency – the Kilimanjaro, so it didn’t take long from arrival at the hotel till we successfully checked in; it was visibly a 5 star hotel, as the facilities present and the grounds were a picturesque testament to that.

On the day we were to visit the Bagamoyo Region where we would be performing the symbolic donation of 40ft container of books to 5 Secondary School, 1 Primary School and 1 University, we were chauffeur driven in a number of Toyota Prado SUVs arranged by the Hyatt Regency. The one I was in had a very jovial man driving and he didn’t hesitate in showing us places of note in Tanzania’s capital Dar es Salaam. As we drove past the ‘Masaaki’, he pointed out that it was the affluent part of Dar es Salaam where you could see the most beautifully built private residences, really tall condominiums and tourists moving about freely; the Protea Hotel Oyster Bay was one of such edifices that caught my attention.20150312_171346

In response to our curiosity about business opportunities in Tanzania, he mentioned that one of the most lucrative businesses to venture into was to set up a bottled water company; apparently, Tz had issues with their natural water and as such it had to be taken through a series of rigorous filtration and water treatment processes.  Also it turns out that agriculture also has a lot of potentials too; the richest man in the country was a big agriculturist, supplying food from the villages where they have ample land to cultivate, to the city.

The exchange rate stood at 1840 shillings to $1, so I wasn’t exactly scared to get anything I wanted. In comparison to the Naira, we just had to take off one zero from the price in shillings; paying 5000 shillings for a taxi ride from my hotel to somewhere downtown, translated to N500. Not bad at all.

Unlike in Nigeria, I noticed that some of their private security guards carried guns; apparently they are licensed to. I noticed this while I was passing through an area where they had a chain of Bureau de Changes.

Some international brands like the Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) which is a stone throw from the United States Embassy, Dstv of South Africa, Hyatt Group, Best Western Hotels, Standard Chartered Bank, Goodyear tyre company, were not absent in this rather blossoming city of Dar Es Salaam.

I almost had the wrong impression of the city and people by just strolling from my hotel to the fish market nearby and back. Why? All I got to see were fishermen and labourers returning from work but when I got a chance to go into town proper, I got to see a whole different picture. My first point of call was ‘Akemi’ Tanzania’s Revolving Restaurant on the 21st floor of the Golden Jubilee Towers, where I got to see really pretty girls and well-groomed men working in corporate firms like Deloitte amongst others. I got to visit the Saamaki Saamaki, a restaurant and bar with a rather impressive African theme offering culinary tourist attraction seeing as they are a coastal city; the tables were modelled after canoes and the whole place exuded this retro African feel to it.  Their own version of an English pub and a lounge obtainable here in Nigeria is the ‘News Café’ and I was visibly impressed; having the maasai tribesmen, in their signature sticks and knives guarding and coordinating parking of cars was the icing on my cake.

Recounting details of my visit wouldn’t be complete without mentioning Mr. Adebowale Atobatele, a very pleasant Nigerian whom we met at the roof top bar of the Hyatt Regency. Once we identified ourselves as fellow Nigerians, he was more than happy to show us around, and contributed a whole lot to the view of Tanzania I got to see. He is the General Manager at Dun and Bradstreet Credit Bureau Tanzania Limited, and he has been living in the capital for a little over two years. Obviously a man of eclectic tastes and interests, we got to talk about a number of issues ranging from viable investment opportunities in Tz, to politics and the way forward for Nigeria, and even to more trivial matters; it was my pleasure getting to meet him, to say the least and I’m sure my colleague would attest to same.

I also got to meet a very brilliant lawyer who changed my view about East Africa as a whole; it became clear that even though we counted ourselves as giants of Africa, these other countries had a lot to offer. She was well versed in matters pertaining to Nigeria and world economic issues and right there and then I made a mental note to step up my game.  Her best channel is CNN, and this she says stems from the need to always be kept abreast with happenings around the world; things like the English Premier League also interested her and she was an ardent supporter of the Manchester United Football Club.

20150315_104623I have a list of places for my next trip to Tz; The Serengeti is one. I would like the chance to visit the natural habitat for animals where I hear they sometimes cross through three countries to come to, starting from Namibia but eventually migrate back later. Zanzibar tops my ‘Must Visit’ list, for anyone who has ever googled the island and seen wonderful photos of cottages on clear blue water would readily appreciate my bias on this. Places like Arusha, located below the Mount Meru with their wonderful temperate climate are also on my ‘Must Visit’ list. I also hear they have the International Court where they try people for war crimes, just like the Hague, but the details is something I would like to find out personally and not with the aid of google; Arusha is also the de facto capital of the East African Community.

Photo Credit: My Samsung Note 3 Camera

Alex: Shaking off leeches


I needed him to delay her a bit.

He was the sharp guy here, not that I don’t count myself as one, but I needed him to buy me 2 hours from the time  he picked her up at the airport, till they got to my apartment in Maitama.

My Girlfriend was coming into town and the only reason I needed to delay her a bit was because I had a leech I had been trying to shake off all week. I am a sucker for fine sexy girls; I know you’re thinking ‘who isn’t’?, but there are folks like my friend Jimmy, who likes them thick…and I mean really BIG. Anyways, what was meant to be a booty call turned into something else and I no longer had to call for it cos it was always there; no leave, no surrender.

It all started from harmless flirting on Insta Msg, till we finally hooked up last Friday after having chatted for over a week; it was a nice experience meeting and conversing with a lady who had an opinion on things that mattered to me, and thus the fluidity of our conversations was epic. Before I knew what was happening, we mutually agreed to continue the seemingly interesting conversation with drinks over at my place as we were trying to get away from all the smoke folks were puffing at the lounge we were at.

If you ask me, I’d say the reason she feels so comfortable and at home with me is because of the fact that I didn’t touch her that night even as she lay slightly inebriated in my bed; the real action started in the morning at about 4 AM. I woke up to someone nibbling softly at my ears and kissing my neck. It was like she didn’t want to wake me up but at the same time wouldn’t mind if she did. I think the right move would be to cut the long story short, cos it was such a wonderful experience and writing about it in details wouldn’t even do it justice.

We spent the whole of Saturday sprawled in bed, watching movies and having intercourse in between; I made us an early dinner, because my signature indomie noodles earlier didn’t quite cut it and before we knew it the whole day was gone. She then insisted on going home to get a change of clothes so we could do church together; not knowing exactly how to respond to that, I obliged her and that’s how her first overnight bag was packed with more than a day’s worth of clothes in it.

I was able to lose her on Tuesday. I told her I was going on an official trip to Eko¹ and wouldn’t be back until Sunday. It’s not like I didn’t like her company or anything, just that I was already missing my space and growing a conscience while at it but Konji² rose its ugly head sometime around Thursday. I made that booty call when I got home from work around 6 PM and in under 2 hours, she arrived with an even bigger overnight bag; I’m sure in the premise that we would spend the weekend together like we did the last time. Only this time, things were different; my girlfriend was coming to town this weekend.

I had known about my baby’s visit to Abuja for about a week now, cos I was in the know she was taking a week off her annual leave to spend some time with me; one would expect that I would have handled my shit prior to her arrival, but Remi was proving stubborn, she didn’t want to be blown off easily. Ada had landed at the Nnamdi Azikiwe International Airport and still, Remi was refusing to buy any of my half-baked excuses; I hadn’t even started cleaning up after her, making sure no stray panties or make-up were lying about.

I hate to term it as the norm for guys in long distant relationships to fool around, but that was fast becoming the trend; I love my Gf no doubt, but sometimes I feel the need to be sexually adventurous.


I needed him to delay her a bit, lest shit hit the roof.





Eko¹: A slang for Lagos State, in Nigeria.

Konji²: Usually used by people of Nigerian descent to describe a state of extreme horniness. Usually only applies to people who have tasted the forbidden fruit before (Source: http://www.urbandictionary.com/)